Waking up was never on Xander's Want-To-Do list and yet it was something he always had to do. Granted, waking up next to Helen greatly improved the experience but it still was a struggle for him to open his eyes.

So…he didn’t. He yawned and stretched with a small groan before turning over and snuggling more against Helen. He made a few sleepy noises before settling and set himself to going back to sleep. But he couldn’t. Even in his half-awake state, Xander knew something was off. For one thing…Helen felt different in his arms. With a small groan, he opened his eyes and even though his gaze was blurry, he could tell it was still Helen beside him. Maybe he was just dreaming so he was more than happy to close his eyes to tempt sleep again.

But that nagging feeling was still bothering him, so he rolled over to lay on his back. A sleepy frown crossed his face as he felt something heavy on his chest. Not again to think of what it could be, Xander lazily opened his eyes again and lifted his head to look.

Which resulted in him sitting up in bed, screaming.

Usually, Xander didn't really care that much about Valentine's Day. He knew enough by now to be careful what he ate on that day but otherwise, he just kind of left it alone. It was rare that even had someone to celebrate it with and then he tended to screw it up, a particular incident with Cordelia and love spell being the foremost example.

But this Valentine's Day was going to be as awesome as he could make it make it because he'd never had someone like Helen to share it with. And wouldn't you know it, the island was even helping! He'd found the perfect place for dinner on the beach to watch the sunset, complete with rock for a table and chairs. He borrowed a tablecloth from the Club and managed to wrangle some cushions from the clothes box to make the rocks a bit more comfortable, especially Helen's, which looked more like a couch after all the padding he'd draped over it. Candles and dishware were acquired and set up, complete with a vase of candy flowers. While he'd already arranged with Bill for a nice dinner, safely stored in a picnic basket next to the table rock, he'd searched high and low today until he found some bushes in the jungle that were growing an assortment of fancy looking cakes, including what he swore was a fancy green twinkie, and chocolates he'd never be able to afford at home. Those had been gathered for dessert, completing the whole meal.

Xander told Helen he had a surprise for her out on the beach and walked bare foot with her through the sand, getting more and more anxious as they neared the spot he'd been setting up all day. Oh he had one more small surprise up his sleeve but for now...he really hoped she liked this.

It was only Xander's fourth night as a dancer at the Fabulous Ladies Night Club. The dancer who called in sick that first night was still out with the flu so Xander was getting ready for another night onstage. He wished he could say it was getting easier...but it really wasn't. Every night, he was seized with stage fright and somehow...he just went on. It was disassociation to the max. He still wasn't sure how he managed to do it but it was working because already he seemed to be accumulating a fan club.

He heard himself announced over the loudspeaker and with a deep breath, he went on. His costume was simple, just plain jeans, t-shirt and sweater. Jodie, the owner, wanted to cash in on how wholesome and everyday he looked. Apparently, people liked that over the rhinestone cowboys and Chippendales she usually employed. The song was a current rock song and Xander just lost himself in it, moving with the beat and losing his clothes along the way.

Finally, when the song was over, Xander escaped backstage and got redressed in clothes similar to his the ones he'd gone out on stage in, but lost to the crowd. Unfortunately, if he wanted to keep his tips for the night, he had to work the floor, serving drinks and giving any requested lap dances. So far, it had only been serving drinks, but Xander was always wary about when that would change. It was with a deep breath of courage that he picked up his tray from the bar and after exchanging encouraging grins with the bartender, he headed out to serve drinks.

This was the life.

Xander was floating on his back in the waterfall pool, enjoying the cool water on his hot body. His hot body that he'd been using to it's full advantage lately. It was a complete and utter freedom that he didn't know why he hadn't indulged in it sooner. Especially with all the delicious pray on the island...

He as of course floating completely naked in the pool, planning out his next adventure. He'd been to the strip club the night before and has his fun there, despite the occasional meddling. The same leather pants he'd worn to dance in were tossed by the side of the pool. But that was boring now and he needed to think of something else. No point in letting his talents go to waste after all, not when he'd newly discovered them.

[Timed to day two of Opp Plot]

Xander sat back in the 'backstage' area of the newly opened Catcratch clubbed, arms wrapped tightly around his knees and head buried in them. Why was he doing this? He knew he'd worried the Emcee, the guy kept making puking jokes around him. Xander almost wished he could puke, maybe he'd feel a bit better. Why had he agreed to do this? He hadn't even wanted Buffy and Wills to know about this and now he was stripping in front of a bunch of people that he could actually know this time. Of course, he knew why, he didn't want to let Helen down. It was the white knight in him, unable to not help a lady. Of course, he didn't know about her making him the main male act when there were others who had to be better. Not that he'd paid attention when the others were practicing. He'd been keeping his distance from Dick, Christmas kiss not withstanding.

He listened to the music as each person performed, getting closer and closer to his turn and the tension just kept building his shoulders. He didn't know how he was going to move, much less dance. It took everything he had to just keep breathing.

---

When the first beats of the song started, Xander closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let himself drift down to the place he'd found in Oxnard. A place that disturbed him for the fact that it even existed inside of him but was there all the same and gave him a skill he'd never thought he'd ever have to admit too. When he opened his eyes again, he felt almost like a different person. Normal!Xander had just about checked out.

While most of the other dancers had gone the costume route, Xander had decided to go the other direction. His costume were a loose pair of jeans and a loose hoodie, complete with sneakers. He moved and bent his body, just like he was expected, but the loose clothes kept his body hidden. Like he was hiding. Invisible. But then he began to tug and pulled at the clothes, exposing a bit of hip here, a flash of back there, until finally in one smooth, practiced motion, thehoodie was over his head and his jeans undone. But a t-shirt and the jeans remaining on his hips continue the tease. Somewhere in the song and movement his sneakers are off, the jeans fall down his legs unaided and t-shirt is pulled up and over. It seems almost natural, how they fall around his feet as he never stops moving. Finally, he's all uncovered except for the g-string...and the song is done. A tease from start to finish.

---

Once the song was done, Normal!Xander returned in force almost as soon as the last beat sounded. He bit his lip to stay composed as he gathered his clothes and moved off the stage. He exchanged a quick glance with Helen, saw that she seemed pleased and with a small smile to himself, moved off to find a place he could get dressed in private and then bolted as quickly as he could from the building. He'd meant to watch Helen perform, but at the moment, he couldn't think of anything besides panic. Finally, he stopped by a nearby palm tree, still in full view of the club but at least it wasn't completely obvious that's where he had come from. That is, unless they had just seen him dance. Oh god. He couldn't think about that and breath at the same time.

Why did he think this was a good idea? Why had he let Helen get this secret out of him? Oxnard was one thing. It was a matter of survival in place where he was another face in the crowd so he could get home to his girls. Here? What if Giles saw him? Or Clark? It was bad enough Spike worked with him. Why did the one thing he was good at had to be taking his clothes off? It wasn't like he even liked sex. Faith had terrified of the very word.

He sank down into the sand and just buried his head under his arms, resting against his knees. Why was he doing this? He had a blank slate to work with and this is what he did with it. He had to take a few deep breaths before he hyperventilated.

Find him before, during, or after he dances, just let me know.

Something was different this morning. Xander could feel it the moment he woke up. But he couldn't figure out what it was till after he was up, dressed and moving about the hut. As per normal, he'd called good morning to Buffy, just in case she was in. Sometimes she was out on patrol before he woke up, sometimes she slept in. He wished he could sleep in but he had to meet his building crew team.

Before leaving, he ran a hand through his still green hair and stuck his head into Buffy's room to say good bye before he left. And he stopped short. He just...stared into the room. It wasn't that Buffy wasn't there, it was like, a complete absence of her presence. He finally recognized the feeling he'd been feeling all morning. He felt empty.

Not one to give up so easy, Xander began searching places on the island. He went up the Compound and asked everyone there if they'd seen her. He checked the IPD office, the kitchen, the rec room, everywhere he could think of. The whole time, he kept thinking about his promise to her, soon after his own arrival. How he wouldn't disappear on her, like everyone else, including himself, had. He hadn't disappeared, like he promised. He was still here.

But the more he looked, he realized...that it was Buffy who had disappeared.

After what felt like hours, but was still the middle of the morning, Xander found himself just blindly walking down one of the paths towards the caves. His arms were hugged around him and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying. His best friend was gone. The one person he couldn't live without. And he was completely devastated.

Finally, he looked up to see where his feet has led him. Spike's cave. A part of him wasn't surprised. Of anyone on the island, Spike would understand. Taking a deep breath and wiping his eyes, Xander took a tentative step into the cave as he called out "Spike?" in a shaking voice.