Catcratch Club Opening Night

[thedemonmagnet]

Xander sat back in the 'backstage' area of the newly opened Catcratch clubbed, arms wrapped tightly around his knees and head buried in them. Why was he doing this? He knew he'd worried the Emcee, the guy kept making puking jokes around him. Xander almost wished he could puke, maybe he'd feel a bit better. Why had he agreed to do this? He hadn't even wanted Buffy and Wills to know about this and now he was stripping in front of a bunch of people that he could actually know this time. Of course, he knew why, he didn't want to let Helen down. It was the white knight in him, unable to not help a lady. Of course, he didn't know about her making him the main male act when there were others who had to be better. Not that he'd paid attention when the others were practicing. He'd been keeping his distance from Dick, Christmas kiss not withstanding.

He listened to the music as each person performed, getting closer and closer to his turn and the tension just kept building his shoulders. He didn't know how he was going to move, much less dance. It took everything he had to just keep breathing.

---

When the first beats of the song started, Xander closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let himself drift down to the place he'd found in Oxnard. A place that disturbed him for the fact that it even existed inside of him but was there all the same and gave him a skill he'd never thought he'd ever have to admit too. When he opened his eyes again, he felt almost like a different person. Normal!Xander had just about checked out.

While most of the other dancers had gone the costume route, Xander had decided to go the other direction. His costume were a loose pair of jeans and a loose hoodie, complete with sneakers. He moved and bent his body, just like he was expected, but the loose clothes kept his body hidden. Like he was hiding. Invisible. But then he began to tug and pulled at the clothes, exposing a bit of hip here, a flash of back there, until finally in one smooth, practiced motion, thehoodie was over his head and his jeans undone. But a t-shirt and the jeans remaining on his hips continue the tease. Somewhere in the song and movement his sneakers are off, the jeans fall down his legs unaided and t-shirt is pulled up and over. It seems almost natural, how they fall around his feet as he never stops moving. Finally, he's all uncovered except for the g-string...and the song is done. A tease from start to finish.

---

Once the song was done, Normal!Xander returned in force almost as soon as the last beat sounded. He bit his lip to stay composed as he gathered his clothes and moved off the stage. He exchanged a quick glance with Helen, saw that she seemed pleased and with a small smile to himself, moved off to find a place he could get dressed in private and then bolted as quickly as he could from the building. He'd meant to watch Helen perform, but at the moment, he couldn't think of anything besides panic. Finally, he stopped by a nearby palm tree, still in full view of the club but at least it wasn't completely obvious that's where he had come from. That is, unless they had just seen him dance. Oh god. He couldn't think about that and breath at the same time.

Why did he think this was a good idea? Why had he let Helen get this secret out of him? Oxnard was one thing. It was a matter of survival in place where he was another face in the crowd so he could get home to his girls. Here? What if Giles saw him? Or Clark? It was bad enough Spike worked with him. Why did the one thing he was good at had to be taking his clothes off? It wasn't like he even liked sex. Faith had terrified of the very word.

He sank down into the sand and just buried his head under his arms, resting against his knees. Why was he doing this? He had a blank slate to work with and this is what he did with it. He had to take a few deep breaths before he hyperventilated.

Find him before, during, or after he dances, just let me know.

Comments

[smallvilled.livejournal.com]

It wasn't like there was a lot to do on the island that didn't become routine. So, the opening night of a new club was definitely noteworthy. Xander had been pretty tight lipped about the whole affair, so Clark wasn't entirely sure about what kind of club this was. He just assumed it was your typical dance-floor-grab-a-drink-have-some-fun kind of club that you found in Metropolis, or any other city, really.

So, imagine his surprise when he walked into the Catscratch Club. He felt horribly out of place. He'd hoped to get Xander to come with him, and at least he would know somebody there, but instead he had come alone because Xander had suddenly gone MIA. Oh, well. It was time Clark branched out, anyway.

Of course, when he looked on stage, and at the announcement of the new dancer, Clark's eyes widened and he watched completely taken aback. He couldn't quite look away and watched. Then tilted his head. Xander had really good rhythm. Clark had taken a moment to take in the sight, come to grips with it, and then sat down. Did he tell Xander he came? Did he pretend it never happened? Xander hadn't told him for a reason. And Xander was good, too. For an awkward and insecure guy, Xander was really good.

Still feeling out of place, Clark made his exit. He'd stayed there long enough. Not that this was a bad thing, mind you. It's not like he wasn't a guy or under the age of 18. This was the kind of things guys his age did. Still, that ever-present-farm boy upbringing sort of tinted everything he did. Clark found Xander at the base of a palm tree looking... Well, looking like he'd had better days.

Clark quietly walked up to Xander and stood there for a few moments while he tried to figure out what to say. Nothing came to mind. So, instead, he sat down next to his friend and placed his hand on his bicep. "Hey," he said quietly.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

When he heard the familiar voice, Xander froze. The touch didn't help either and it took everything he could not to shake the hand off. Clark was one of the last people Xander had wanted to see tonight and his luck wasn't good enough to hope that he'd just been passing by.

Without lifting his head, Xander replied with a soft, muffled, "Hey." Then with a sigh he lifted his head, though his eyes stayed firmly on the ground in front of his feet. "I guess now you know why I've been so spastic lately huh?"

[smallvilled.livejournal.com]

Clark debated lying. Pretending that he'd just seen Xander in such a state, he felt compelled to sit next to him and try and comfort him. Xander would see through that, though. Clark nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said. "I was a little...surprised." At least Clark was honest, right? That...was something?

"You're good," he offered, "like...really good." His brow furrowed. "I...mean it as a compliment," he said genuinely. "There was the smallest twinge of..." What? "Envy, though. I could never do that. That takes guts to put yourself out there like that."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Xander couldn't help the blush that just took over and he couldn't look at Clark. His chest tightened as Clark complimented and said he envied him and he had to take a few deep breaths. He didn't know what to think.

When he could finally respond, he prefaced his words with a small sharp laugh. "You envy my ability to strip in front of a crowd." He said in startled disbelief as he shook his head. "I guess I should just count my small blessings that your not totally disgusted..."

[smallvilled.livejournal.com]

Clark chuckled softly, his thumb brushing against the skin of Xander's forearm, and he shook his head. "Not so much the stripping," he replied, "it's the putting yourself out there. You could've been signing karoke and I'd have still felt envy." He smiled softly, glancing out toward the darkness, and the ocean, and took a deep breath. "To share yourself with people," he grinned a bit, "slightly nude or not," he chuckled again, "it's something I've never really known how to do." Or been able to, really. Not without great cost.

He cleared his throat and glanced at Xander. "No, not disgusted." He shook his head. "Never disgusted." He looked away. "Probably the opposite, really." He drew a circle in the sand. "I couldn't look away."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Xander had to keep reminding himself that Clark was talking about him. He didn't think he'd ever heard himself described that way. Well yeah, he was friendly with people and he didn't mind making an idiot of himself sometimes to entertain people...but the way Clark was putting it made it seem so different. Like an almost strength. That was...weird.

Of course, all this was forgotten at Clark's last statement. Xander turned to him and visibly gapped. "I...umm...oh."

[smallvilled.livejournal.com]

"Maybe a little jealous," he said quietly, running his fingers through his hair, trying not to look at Xander because if he did things would just. Spill out badly and, of course, Xander would probably make fun of him. Plus there was that thing where Clark would get afraid and run away while blushing.

"Oh," he said afterward, echoing Xander, but he wasn't sure where to go from here. He cleared his throat. "Maybe I should leave you alone," he said quietly. "You probably don't need me crowding you or anything."

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

Spike had watched Xander's performance from the audience, having been the first performer himself. He was good. He was damn good. Better than Spike would've expected him to be, anyway.

He watched Helen finish the evening off with a faint smile of appreciation, and then made his way backstage again to congratulate Xander, but he'd missed him. He shrugged and headed outside to get some air and have a smoke, and that was when he found Xander curled up at the base of a tree. "S'wrong?" he asked, dropping into a crouch at Xander's side. "You did a good job in there."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Spike was answered by a soft bitter laugh. Xander lifted his his head to give the other a hard look before putting it back down. "Thanks." Came the muffled reply, though it wasn't at all sincere. He didn't want to do a good job. He didn't want to be good at this at all.

But he also didn't want to give up one of the few things he was good at, and wasn't that just the pathetic kicker.

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

Spike sighed and moved to sit next to him. "All right. What is it, then?" he asked in a sort of resigned tone. "If you don't like dancing, why're you doing it?"

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Xander sighed heavily, his arched back rising and falling dramatically. "You wouldn't get it." He said, voice still muffled by his knees. How the hell did he explain it, when he didn't even understand it himself?

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

"Why don't you try me?" Spike suggested. "I've been around the block a few times, you know. I'm a century and a half old." He chuckled softly and then regarded Xander. "Spill it, Harris."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Lifting his head again, Xander glanced over at Spike, gathering his courage. He guessed it wouldn't hurt to tell someone, and he actually trusted the former vampire...something that still amazed him sometimes. He swallowed briefly, then spoke softly, looking down at the sand past Spike's boot the entire time.

"I'm good at stripping. The fact I'm good at stripping scares me enough to make me sick since I'm usually so uncoordinated and I'm not that much to look at. And I know Helen would be okay if I said I didn't want to do it...but I can't. I don't want to give up on one of the things I'm actually naturally good at, because I have to so few. What if this is all I have? Something I'm ashamed of?" He realized how pathetic it sounded, he did, but he couldn't care. It was how he felt and well...he was used to feeling pathetic.

[not_the_s]

Kon had dropped off Jill back at the Treehouse and made his way back because really, there was no way he was not going to stop and see Xander. Because of all the people he'd seen here who had surprised him - and even the people he'd just heard about being here - Xander was the one who surprised him most.

He looked around for the familiar, or apparently not so familiar, figure, but only saw the flash of heels of someone ducking outside. He ducked outside and looked around, spotting Xander sitting under one of the nearby palm trees.

"Xander?" He bit his lip, knowing what Xander would think. "It's Kon." Not Clark. "You okay?"

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

The distinction helped but it didn't lessen Xander's embarrassment. Sure it would have been worse if it was Clark, since he lived with him and all, but really, anybody Xander even knew was embarrassing enough.

With a soft sigh, he lifted his head and gave Kon a half hearted wave without moving his hand from where it clung to his legs. "Hey Kon...." He paused then shrugged. "I don't know."

[not_the_s]

Right. This would not go the way of Ilse and Karolina, to joke about being up on stage, particularly because they hadn't been planning on going up there and Xander not only had planned it, he'd followed through. But there was something that bugged Kon and he sat next to Xander, bumping into him with his shoulder.

"Mind if I ask why you went up there if this happens when you get off?" He winced a little at the phrasing. "Pun definitely not intended."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Sighing deeply Xander, looked down at his feet and shifted them in the sand. He was afraid of that question, because it was one he'd been asking himself for weeks. "I don't know."

[not_the_s]

"Well, I'm going to take a leap here and guess that someone asked you. And you said yes." Kon glanced over. "I'm betting against your better judgment." He wasn't sure he wanted to ask how Xander knew how to dance like that. Maybe he was better sticking in safer territory.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

"Something like that." Xander said as he kept his head ducked down. "And I don't know about judgment. I think I lost any I had a long time ago." He didn't really know what else to say. He wasn't about to let Kon know about Oxnard and it was more how someone had got an embarrassing life story out of him that ended up with him sitting here.

[devilwoman]

After Xander's performance, and once she'd got done talking to Jill, Saffron headed backstage to see how Xander was doing and praise him on a job well done...except he wasn't there.

She had some time before her performance, so she looked around inside the club, first upstairs and then down, and when she didn't see him stepped outside, intending to ask Bridge if he'd seen him leave. She didn't need to, though, because she spotted him, a little ways away sitting at the base of a tree.

"Xander, honey?" she said, more to alert him to her presence than anything as she approached. She crouched down beside him, not exactly an easy feat in the tight leather miniskirt she had on, and put one hand lightly on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

The alert was appreciated but he still jumped slightly at the hand on his shoulder. Xander lifted his head and looked up at her, then blushed and looked down at the sand. He didn't know what to say to her. How did he explain how conflicted he was?

He licked his lips, stalling a few moments before answering honestly, "I don't really know."

[devilwoman]

Saffron lowered herself all the way to the ground then, legs tucked to one side. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know," she said, and there was no judgment in her tone. "I'd really hate to lose you, but I don't want you to be miserable."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

"I know." Xander said almost immediately, looking over at her again, for some reason really wanting her to know that he didn't feel pressured into it or anything. "I mean...I know I don't have too. I'm just...I don't know. Conflicted I guess?"

He sighed and leaned back against the tree, head thunking softly as he closed his eyes. "I think I just don't want to give up on something I'm good at...no matter what I feel about it." He finally just blurted out, for lack of anything else. He felt he owed Helen that much at least. "I just wish I could either feel more confident or have enough conviction to not do it instead of this stuck in the middle."

[devilwoman]

"Well, you obviously have more confidence than you think, because you got up there and did it, and that in itself takes a hell of a lot of courage," Saffron pointed out, voice gentle. A slow smile curved her lips. "And I don't think it's a bad thing to be desired. You turned on quite a few people tonight with your performance, including yours truly."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

He couldn't help a small smile. When Helen put it that way, it didn't sound so bad. And it meant something coming from her, to the point Xander couldn't help a blush. "Thanks..." He said softly, looking up at her again and this time not looking down. "I guess, in Oxnard I just didn't care because I didn't know anyone. It's just... something I have to get used to here." He had to get used to being desired. It was odd, but true.