(no subject)

[thedemonmagnet]

Something was different this morning. Xander could feel it the moment he woke up. But he couldn't figure out what it was till after he was up, dressed and moving about the hut. As per normal, he'd called good morning to Buffy, just in case she was in. Sometimes she was out on patrol before he woke up, sometimes she slept in. He wished he could sleep in but he had to meet his building crew team.

Before leaving, he ran a hand through his still green hair and stuck his head into Buffy's room to say good bye before he left. And he stopped short. He just...stared into the room. It wasn't that Buffy wasn't there, it was like, a complete absence of her presence. He finally recognized the feeling he'd been feeling all morning. He felt empty.

Not one to give up so easy, Xander began searching places on the island. He went up the Compound and asked everyone there if they'd seen her. He checked the IPD office, the kitchen, the rec room, everywhere he could think of. The whole time, he kept thinking about his promise to her, soon after his own arrival. How he wouldn't disappear on her, like everyone else, including himself, had. He hadn't disappeared, like he promised. He was still here.

But the more he looked, he realized...that it was Buffy who had disappeared.

After what felt like hours, but was still the middle of the morning, Xander found himself just blindly walking down one of the paths towards the caves. His arms were hugged around him and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying. His best friend was gone. The one person he couldn't live without. And he was completely devastated.

Finally, he looked up to see where his feet has led him. Spike's cave. A part of him wasn't surprised. Of anyone on the island, Spike would understand. Taking a deep breath and wiping his eyes, Xander took a tentative step into the cave as he called out "Spike?" in a shaking voice.

Comments

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

"Yeah..." Xander tried to think of all that would entail. It would just be him in the hut, though as much as living alone creeped him out, he wasn't about to leave it since she'd built it. His normal everyday routine seemed suddenly foreign to him. "Not much else to do."

Is that how Buffy had felt when all the others had disappeared on her?

"I promised her, almost everyday, that I wouldn't disappear...not if I could help it. I wouldn't do it to her, not after so many others had." He hadn't meant to say it, to tell Spike about what had been running through his head all morning. It just kind of popped out.

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

"Least one of you stuck around," Spike muttered under his breath, his shoulders slumping. "S'you and me now. And that failure of a Watcher, course." Not that he knew Wesley well enough to pay attention to whether he was about one way or another, or care.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

At first, Xander frowned as he searched his brain for who Spike was referring to, since he hoped he would have been told if Giles was on the island. Then he remembered Wesley, who he too hadn't seen anytime lately. He sighed. "Oh. Right. I forgot about him."

"You...you'll be around right?" It was the closest Xander could get to asking if they would still be friends. He wasn't thinking rationally at the moment but at least he had enough thought not to sound completely pathetic.

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

Spike rolled his eyes. "With my luck I'm never getting out of here, mate," he muttered, turning to look at Xander and after a moment's hesitation raising a hand to rest on his shoulder. "I'll be around," he said quietly, swallowing.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Xander couldn't hide his sigh of relief, even if he'd tried, nor how he shifted slightly closer to Spike. "Good." He blinked, "That, uh, your luck is rotte...uh...that you'll be here...uh...you know what I mean."

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

"I know what you mean. You too." And then Spike did something that surprised even him. He pulled Xander into a fierce hug.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

If Spike ever asked, the soft sob Xander let out at the sudden hug was from surprise rather then relief. And it didn't stop him from returning it, just as strong. Spike was grounding him, allowing him for the first time that morning to become anything close to calm, instead of continuing to bawl his eyes out.

It was amazing how much one hug from a previous feared, okay still somewhat feared, enemy who happened to love your best friend as much as you did could do.

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

After a minute Spike patted Xander's back firmly a few times and pulled away, his expression sombre. "We'll be all right, mate," he assured him quietly, giving him a somewhat pained smile. "I've lost 'er before. The pain gets bearable after a bit. And at least this time she's not dead."

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

Despite the comfort of the previous moments, Xander couldn't help a sharp wince at the reminder. He hadn't lived it, but he'd heard enough about it and he didn't like thinking about it any of those times either. It was like Evil Willow; somethings he just couldn't believe until he saw them himself. "Can we, uh, not talk about that? Because it's so not with the helping." He asked in a small voice.

Despite their not touching, Xander stayed fairly close to Spike. He bit his lip and pondered for a moment before he looked up and asked, "Do...do you mind if I stick around here, just for today? I kinda..." 'don't want to be alone or go back to his empty hut' was what would have finished that sentence before he lost his nerve. "Umm...yeah."

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

Spike nearly asked if Xander would feel better if she were dead, but he knew that wasn't what he meant, and with emotions already running high, for once he held his tongue.

"Fine, but I'm not going to entertain you. And don't go nosin' about!" he added, whirling suddenly to stick a finger in Xander's face. There were things in the cave that Xander didn't need to be poking around in.

[scoobys-heart.livejournal.com]

It was a good thing Spike had held off. Xander had just gotten his breathing even and he really didn't want to start crying again, which was what would happened with continued thoughts of Dead Buffy.

At Spike's worry, Xander just shook his head innocently and moved to sit in a shady spot just inside the cave. "Here, right here is good." He pulled out a book of Virginia Woolf's poetry. He'd had it in his pocket to take with him to finish reading when his building crew stopped for lunch, so he'd be ready for class the next day. Now, he was just glad for something he could do and just...stay near the little bit of home he had left. "I'll just sit here and read, not even going to get in your way, I promise."

[fangyandgrr.livejournal.com]

"...Right. See that you don't," Spike muttered, shaking his head and moving away. Truth be told, he was rather glad of the company himself. Not that he'd tell Harris that.