thedemonmagnet | (no subject)

Something was different this morning. Xander could feel it the moment he woke up. But he couldn't figure out what it was till after he was up, dressed and moving about the hut. As per normal, he'd called good morning to Buffy, just in case she was in. Sometimes she was out on patrol before he woke up, sometimes she slept in. He wished he could sleep in but he had to meet his building crew team.

Before leaving, he ran a hand through his still green hair and stuck his head into Buffy's room to say good bye before he left. And he stopped short. He just...stared into the room. It wasn't that Buffy wasn't there, it was like, a complete absence of her presence. He finally recognized the feeling he'd been feeling all morning. He felt empty.

Not one to give up so easy, Xander began searching places on the island. He went up the Compound and asked everyone there if they'd seen her. He checked the IPD office, the kitchen, the rec room, everywhere he could think of. The whole time, he kept thinking about his promise to her, soon after his own arrival. How he wouldn't disappear on her, like everyone else, including himself, had. He hadn't disappeared, like he promised. He was still here.

But the more he looked, he realized...that it was Buffy who had disappeared.

After what felt like hours, but was still the middle of the morning, Xander found himself just blindly walking down one of the paths towards the caves. His arms were hugged around him and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying. His best friend was gone. The one person he couldn't live without. And he was completely devastated.

Finally, he looked up to see where his feet has led him. Spike's cave. A part of him wasn't surprised. Of anyone on the island, Spike would understand. Taking a deep breath and wiping his eyes, Xander took a tentative step into the cave as he called out "Spike?" in a shaking voice.

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Despite the comfort of the previous moments, Xander couldn't help a sharp wince at the reminder. He hadn't lived it, but he'd heard enough about it and he didn't like thinking about it any of those times either. It was like Evil Willow; somethings he just couldn't believe until he saw them himself. "Can we, uh, not talk about that? Because it's so not with the helping." He asked in a small voice.

Despite their not touching, Xander stayed fairly close to Spike. He bit his lip and pondered for a moment before he looked up and asked, "Do...do you mind if I stick around here, just for today? I kinda..." 'don't want to be alone or go back to his empty hut' was what would have finished that sentence before he lost his nerve. "Umm...yeah."

Spike nearly asked if Xander would feel better if she were dead, but he knew that wasn't what he meant, and with emotions already running high, for once he held his tongue.

"Fine, but I'm not going to entertain you. And don't go nosin' about!" he added, whirling suddenly to stick a finger in Xander's face. There were things in the cave that Xander didn't need to be poking around in.

It was a good thing Spike had held off. Xander had just gotten his breathing even and he really didn't want to start crying again, which was what would happened with continued thoughts of Dead Buffy.

At Spike's worry, Xander just shook his head innocently and moved to sit in a shady spot just inside the cave. "Here, right here is good." He pulled out a book of Virginia Woolf's poetry. He'd had it in his pocket to take with him to finish reading when his building crew stopped for lunch, so he'd be ready for class the next day. Now, he was just glad for something he could do and just...stay near the little bit of home he had left. "I'll just sit here and read, not even going to get in your way, I promise."

"...Right. See that you don't," Spike muttered, shaking his head and moving away. Truth be told, he was rather glad of the company himself. Not that he'd tell Harris that.